Tag: Death

  • Tired

    “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak” Isaiah 40:39 (NIV).

    prayerful crossOn Sunday morning, I will stand behind the pulpit at Shiloh United Methodist Church and preach a message of hope on this second Sunday of Advent. Before I do that, I will help the congregation sing some wonderful songs and further prepare each other for the birth of our Lord. Before I preach and after we share a warm welcome and music, I will share prayer concerns. I will, yet again, ask the saints of Shiloh to join me in praying in the aftermath of yet more mass violence and domestic terrorism.

    I am not looking forward to having to do that yet again. Quite frankly, I’m tired of having to ask people to join me in prayer after yet more violence.

    I’m tired of turning on the news and, almost daily, hearing of more violence against innocent people in the world. Not only here in the United States but all over the world there are incidents of mass violence where people who had absolutely nothing to do with whatever situation brought about the incident are losing their lives. Their loved ones – parents, children, spouses – are left behind to try and pick up the pieces.

    I’m tired of thinking of what I would tell my daughter in order to try and explain why people do these evil things. I’m tired of seeing posts on social media from parents who are having the same struggles. No child should ever have to be told why a man went into a building and just started shooting people for no reason other than he was deranged, angry or under some other evil influence. Yet, when these things happen so often in the USA the kids have to be told something. If we don”t tell them, someone else will. That makes the job of a parent harder.

    I’m tired of words being spoken and written, offering prayers for mercy, healing, for a miracle to happen which will stop these atrocities from happening. This is not me saying we shouldn’t pray and encourage others to pray – quite the opposite – but I also think that there comes a point where for many people such things are mere words. This is my opinion to take it for what it’s worth: I think God is tired of it too. Oh, I don’t doubt His ability to stop all the violence and someday He will with the return of Jesus. We read in scripture that on that day all things will be made new, every tear wiped away, ever bad thing made right. But in the meantime, God desires to use us in His work in the world. Unfortunately, we are not willing to participate. Instead we expect God to do it alone when using us is His desire.

    “I shook my fist at Heaven, said, ‘God, why don’t You do something?’ He said, ‘I did, I created you’” – Lyric from “Do Something” by Matthew West.

    I’m tired of angry rhetoric on social media and in the news media. People are quick to jump up and say “we should ban guns” while others say “don’t blame the gun, it was the shooter.” People present “facts” left and right about why they are right and everyone else is wrong and, therefore, a terrible person. Have we not learned by now that playing the blame game does absolutely nothing? Nothing changes when we play “keyboard cowboy” and spout off angry posts placing blame on an object or opinion. At the end of the day, none of that matters. The problem is evil. That’s what’s to blame.

    But having said that…

    I’m tired of nothing being done about it. As mentioned above, we like to offer words of prayer but can’t be bothered to act. We don’t hold our elected officials accountable for their inaction on this issue. I’m not proposing we ban guns or take guns from people. What I am saying is that something must be done. We must make the ability to purchase a gun more strenuous than merely providing a birthday and social security number for a very rudimentary background check. I believe we should do more to curb the illegal gun trade. Before you start trashing me and calling me names, you need to know that I say all of this as a gun owner and a proponent of the right to responsibly own and use firearms.

    Will any of that stop all gun crimes? Of course not but it’s a step in the right direction. We can no longer justify sitting on our hands and allowing the gun lobby to use fear to stop us from enacting proactive change.

    The bottom line is that I’m tired of the status quo. There comes a time when change is needed and this is it. We can no longer allow the United States to be a country where mass violence and domestic terrorism is considered “just another day.” Our mamas raised us better than that. It’s time to act like it.

  • Dads Hurt Too

    DadsOctober is a month of awareness, as per Wikipedia it appears to be designated for more causes than any other month. There is a cause in particular that speaks most to me at the moment. As I’m a pastor, you may expect me to say that it’s “Pastor Appreciation Month.” I appreciate being appreciated but the cause on my mind right now is National Infant Loss and Miscarriage Awareness Month.

    I’ve seen some posts and I was even tagged in one about this commemoration. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of Hannah. But as I have seen these posts, many of them implore the reader to pray for the women who have lost babies. I know that it’s different for a mother who has lost their baby. The baby was literally a part of them for the time the baby/babies was carried and I know in that sense there is certainly a stronger connection. Having said that, I have noticed that little to none is said about the dads in the scenario. Now, know that I’m not writing this to bring attention to myself. My intention here is to bring awareness that the dads hurt too.

    As I think about our loss of Hannah, I remember how we received tremendous support from our family and our friends. However, generally speaking, people do often forget about the dad. As I acknowledged above, it is different for the mother. Dads, as the stubborn men we tend to be, aren’t as good at showing our emotions and we may look strong. I can promise you that, even if on the inside, we are crying.

    We need to know that we are not forgotten when this tragedy strikes. We need to know that we matter.

    In part because of the posts I’ve seen, I’ve been pondering what I won’t get to do since Hannah didn’t survive. One of the things that sticks out is that I only got to hold her after she had died. I saw her while she was technically still alive but did not get to hold her during those moments due to the attempts to keep her alive. I only got to hold my baby after she had died. This was not easy to accept.

    I’ve not shared this with many people but before she died I had a brief moment where I wanted to baptize her before she died but this was fleeting and gave way to grief very quickly. I suppose part of the reason I had this thought was because when I realized that she was not going to make it, I knew that we would not get to have her baptized by her grandfather, who is an Elder in the United Methodist Church, on Easter Sunday as we had planned.

    I won’t get to hear her first words, watch her first steps or dress her up for Halloween for the first time. I won’t get to kiss her boo-boos, hold her when she is upset, or experience her laughing at the silliness in life. I won’t get to be her t-ball coach, softball coach, or otherwise support her in whatever sports she may have wanted to play. I won’t get to jump in piles of leaves with Hannah, make mud pies, or help her to appreciate the beauty of God’s creation. I won’t get to help her with homework (and let her teach me how to do algebra), cheer her on as she earns good grades, and teach her the importance of those good grades. I won’t get to teach her life lessons, about not giving up, and about being positive. I won’t get to teach her about Jesus and how much He loves her… Although I think now she could teach me more about Him than any of my seminary professors would ever be able to. I will never be able to teach her how to drive, about the importance of using turn signals, and the joy of taking a drive on a sunny Fall day with the windows down and the radio up. I won’t get to put the fear of God in her first date when he comes to pick her up (the muddy shovel in the corner and shotgun above the front door would have sent a clear message!). I won’t get to walk her down the aisle, and enjoy grandchildren who call her mom.

    I will miss out on raising a daughter. I will miss out on being her daddy.

    As we mourn for and with those who have lost their children through infant death or miscarriage, let us remember that the moms are certainly in deep grief. But let us also remember that dads hurt too. The dads are grieving and they need to know that they are supported, loved, and being prayed for as much as the moms are. Dads hurt. Dads grieve the loss of their children.

    We need to know that you know that.

    Jonathan